I can't believe it's Christmas and Kevin's not with me. Every year since we met, Christmas has been a day that we spent quietly - sleeping late, watching great movies - It's a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story to name a few. I decorated the house, Kevin cooked the turkey and listened to TranSiberian Orchestra. Over the past few years, it had become a day that was just for the two of us. His parents were gone and my family is about 300 miles south of New York so some years it wasn't possible to be there. (I usually did a pre and post Christmas visit to my family but I digress.) It's very hard for me now to see the TSO DVD and CD or the three monogrammed stockings he surprised me with last year.

It all began really on Christmas Day 1986. Kevin somehow tracked down the phone number to my parents beach house in North Carolina, where my family was spending Christmas and New Year's. He wished me a Merry Christmas and asked if I'd like to spend New Year's with him. He said he'd come south, I could come north or we could go to Jamaica. For some reason I picked north. Before the weekend was over, he told me he thought he was falling in love with me.

I would give anything for one more midnight walk with you, my Kevbo. I love you and miss you with all my heart. All I want for Christmas is you.